So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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