dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize