Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
