Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.