You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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