I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
