well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
