You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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