so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
