Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"