There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.