Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.

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  (563): i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up. http://tfl.nu/69xm
  Replies (12) Good night (755) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.

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  (732): there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/v26u
  Replies (10) Good night (3716) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

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  (203): I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight http://tfl.nu/ncr8
  Replies (79) Good night (7591) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

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  (210): I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper. http://tfl.nu/rcv4
  Replies (76) Good night (4715) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1326) Bad night (6352)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (3876) Bad night (2115) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.

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  (613): If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough. http://tfl.nu/noke
  Replies (8) Good night (1162) Bad night (3419) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16203) Bad night (1838)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids

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  (574): I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids http://tfl.nu/kt7c
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (3541) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.

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  (802): she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings. http://tfl.nu/exva
  Replies (14) Good night (3337) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1074) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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  (210): I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti... http://tfl.nu/mzxu
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.

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  (217): While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month. http://tfl.nu/gp1m
  Replies (18) Good night (761) Bad night (4314) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.

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  (760): Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty. http://tfl.nu/d48e
  Replies (14) Good night (928) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?

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  (717): there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right? http://tfl.nu/jd9g
  Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (164) Order T-Shirt

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