he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
