so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊