Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be