he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.