I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.