woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children