Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing