The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Those nachos came to me in a dream