dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
