We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
