i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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