She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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