I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
