She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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