I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
