Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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