it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
