I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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