If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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