I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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