Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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