Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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