Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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