i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
