i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.