I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.