I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.