oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants