I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha