Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.