I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.