Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.