So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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