I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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