somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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