I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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