I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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