Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
