Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize