Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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