never play flip cup with pint glasses
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
