Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
