you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.