paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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