i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize