My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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