just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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