a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
