i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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