I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
