Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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