I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
