You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come share oat with me in your robe
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
